Don’t Be Fooled [Gems From The Nashville Craigslist]

Don’t be fooled by this personals ad. If you’ll read a little further, you’ll see that it’s actually a housewares ad. Okay, we don’t buy it either. 

Wanted!!! One Female Bed Filler !!! – 35 (Nashville, TN)

I’m just another busy person always on the go. I recently moved to a new place and bought a fantastic bed that I love. While so caught up in my day to day life, I have not had time to develop a romantic relationship lately. But when I come home at the end of the day and get in bed, it feels very empty. 

I have thus decided to take applications for a bed-filler. 

This is NOT a sex thing. If anything, it might be more appropriate to post this in the housewares section… but anyways. 

-35years old, straight single male 
-5’10”, black hair, brown eyes, Med. build 
-often restless/occupied when I get in bed; in need of soothing, relaxation 

My bed: 
-1 King bed, located in nice room in nice suite. 
-clean sheets 
-2 new pillows for sleeping – none of those annoying throw pillows 
-1 brown fleece blanket decorated with white squares (don’t ask) 
-room temperature kept cool as to facilitate snuggling (see below) 

I require: 
-one straight, single woman 
-between the ages of 18 and 37 years old 
-minimum 5 feet tall, 5’5” is better, 5’9” is most desireable and also the maximum height sought. 
-must practice good hygiene, smell pleasant and have soft skin. 
-piercings and tattoos to be considered on individual basis 
-must enthusiastically cuddle, snuggle and spoon me 
-must NOT scratch herself excessively in the morning. 
-must limit alcohol intake to 2 beers on any night she is acting as bed-filler 
-must seek medical consul if she consistently snores when not drunk, sick 
-should occasionally play with my hair 

What the successful applicant receives: 
-the satisfaction of helping me sleep better 
-sleeping with a guy who always smells nice 
-free massages ( just a gift I have) 

Applicants who can demonstrate ESP skills, thus knowing which nights and at what times I need my bed-filler without my explicit request, will be given priority in the short listing phase. Amusing and/or insightful pillow talk may be rewarded with kisses or sex(to be decided at the discretion of the bed-filler). Please send pic. 
Thanks and good luck! 

Photo by jamesjyu

Related posts:

  1. Scalp Not Included [Gems From The Nashville Craigslist]
  2. The Best Missed Connections [Gems From The Nashville Craigslist]
  3. Hazardous Journey 2.0 [Gems From The Nashville Craigslist]
  4. A Match Made In Heaven [Gems From The Nashville Craigslist]
  5. Gems From The Nashville Craigslist: Great First Dates