Turtle Man: Friends Don’t Let Friends Go To Kentucky

Once upon a time, there was a guy from Kentucky who was really passionate about snapping turtles. He swam in the lake day in and day out and wrassled them out of the mud, howling gleefully with each catch as he flung it to the shore. He didn’t smile because he had no teeth. He had no teeth because he lost them all in a chainsaw accident a few years back. Then one day someone put him up on Youtube for all of us to see. He’s a little bit endearing and a little bit terrifying, but when we watch him, we can be sure of one thing: Friends don’t let friends go to Kentucky.