Nashvillest

This poor guy has actually figured out a clever way to market his un-dateable-ity. It seems like someone could make a movie based on this premise, a la Good Luck Chuck. And err, we’re not owning up to having seen that. 

Want your ex-boyfriend back? [Unfortunately] I can help… - 30 (Downtown)

So, I’ve recently come to the realization that I possess a remarkable skill. I have the ability to reconnect women with ex-boyfriends that broke up with them. Now, some of you might be saying “Hey, that’s cool! How do you do that? I could make millions!”. Let me tell you, it sucks! The last three “girlfriends” I’ve had have all had their ex-boyfriends contact them shortly after starting to date me!

It took about a month and a half after we began dating for the first girl’s ex to reconnect with her. Man did that suck. With the second girl, it took about three and a half weeks for her guy to come back (he was supposed to have left the freaking country!). I really liked her too. The third girl, it took her ex literally two days to contact her after our first date (and they had been apart for over years!).

So, I’m getting better at this. Not only can I get you your boyfriend back within a few days, I can bring him back from incredibly unlikely circumstances. Want him to give you a call? Perhaps he moved to a different state years ago, got married, has 7 children, and you haven’t heard from him since. No problem! One dinner and a movie with me and he’ll likely be waiting on your doorstep when I drop you off.

Now, I haven’t had a chance to properly test this, but I suspect that my skill works much better if we sleep together. Now, this might not be absolutely necessary, but you do really want to see your ex again right? Why risk it.

Its kinda a no-lose situation from your perspective, because if he doesn’t come back within a couple months (unlikely)…you’ll actually give us enough time to realize that I’m better than that loser anyway and your mom was right…you always could do better….

Good luck from us to you, anonymous Craigslist poster. You’ve got a lot of things going for you: You can spell, punctuate, capitalize, and you’re not entirely a creep. Chin up, you stand far above of the rest of your fellow Craigslist posters. 

Photo by Three-Legged-Cat.